Movie Reviews: 10 Cloverfield Lane

There are a certain number of films that you can only watch once. There Will Be Blood, Crash, The Ring … Ok, yeah, maybe there are a ton of movies that fit this bill. 

Last weekend, I watched 10 Cloverfield Lane which is a movie that was ok in the suspenseful category, but not spectacular enough for a second viewing. 

This was essentially a very low budget film with 3 actors. The only seasoned actor was John Goodman who is tasked to do all the acting. Part of me is unsure if the other two were told to play it dumb, but their acting was nonsensical. To be honest, they reminded me of when Seth Green was locked in a bathroom in Can’t Hardly Wait with the girl. They could be in th apocalypse but they couldn’t care less. To them, what is outside isn’t scary at all … only a creepy John Goodman. 

There are some gimmicks, and some poor special effects in the last act, which make the movie unwatchable on a second viewing. The ending is laughable horrendous and reminded me of some outer limits episode.

See it once.

Don’t see twice.

Movie Rating: 4/10 Bunkers

Movie Reviews: The Big Lebowski


The Big Lebowski directed by the Coen Brothers

This is shining example to why most professional film reviewers don’t know shit. They might be able to write about realistic acting, dialogue, and character arcs, but don’t have a clue what will truly resonate with audiences. Some have even revised their reviews in the years after The Big Lebowski after simply getting it wrong.

Box office be damned, The Big Lebowski is a fucking masterpiece.

The movie is about a Dude who is mistaken for another dude with the same name, who in turn has a trophy wife (Tara Reid before she hit full stride with the Sharknado franchise) who will do certain things for a thousand dollars. Then a kidnapping ransom case goes bad, because this is a Coen Brothers movie. Julianne Moore is an artist with the penchant for the exotic.  It all wraps up when the Dude eventually figures out the truth (or the plot kind of unfolds on him).

The story is iconic not because of the plot, but because of the characters. Jeff Bridges plays The Dude. John Goodman plays a crusty Vietnam vet. Steve Buscemi plays the sidekick. John Tuturro plays a child molester nicknamed The Jesus, who has a penchant for washing his bowling ball. Sam Elliot plays a cowboy, who narrates this western. Philip Seymour Hoffman plays another fine character role as the assistant. Then we have the German nihilists, who have the competency of the Dude, but no luck on their side. When these characters intertwine in the plot, it resulted in iconic lines and sequences that are spoken today.

“The Dude abides.”

“Mark it zero!”

“Nobody fucks with the Jesus.”

“Fuck it, Dude, let’s go bowling.”

The film is full of eccentric characters in ludicrous situations and its a movie where I pick up on new small details each time I watch it. It has become a cult classic, something you couldn’t have predicted if you relied on bullshit movie reviews from the professionals who can’t slam movies too hard (Ad revenue for site or newspaper and exclusive interviews/access) and can’t praise it too much (Don’t want to be the one who gives Flubber 4/4 stars out of the gate). Just look at their reviews and see how many are around 2-3/4 stars. To me this is basically having no opinion or passion on anything. They are reactionary creatures who seldom say what they truly think. It’s pretty hard to get invited and flown out to exclusive premiers if you slam one movie from one studio and give a perfect rating to another rival studio and both are competing for box office glory the following weekend. There are only a few major studios left, so the “professional” reviewers have to play nice.

This is why you shouldn’t trust a damn word they say. They are part of the system.

Indie reviewers are free to say whatever they want. Support us. It is far more likely to get an accurate Captain America: Civil War movie review from an indie reviewer who is also a fanboy than those working at newspapers. Click on our reviews over the professionals. We simply love movies and don’t get bribed or showered with gifts. Some movies are complete shit. Some have great special effects but horrible acting and pacing and plot. Some are a masterpiece. This is one of them.

10/10 White Russians