Movie Pre-Reviews: Indiana Jones 5?


They made it official. Indiana Jones 5 is coming to a big screen near you in 2019, or so they say. My question, like many of you, is why? After the Crystal Skull debacle, it was universally accepted that the franchise was thrown in the dirty dumpster, one more awful than the Sarlacc pit or the ET cartridge landfill. When I heard the news this week, I didn’t quite know what to think. Could it be awesome with Spielberg at the helm? Was he really that constrained by Lucas and his visions of craziness … “the places between spaces.” You have not gone crazy until you have gone FULL LUCAS crazy.

I think after the success of Star Wars Episode 7, fans can understand the concept of raising a franchise from the dead. Episodes 1-3 was enough to sink the franchise to the bottom of the ocean, yet JJ somehow stuck the landing (if you ignore the whole starkiller craziness … perhaps that came from the dead Lucas script).

So if they get back to basics and focus on a Mutt-less story (nobody wants to see Mutt face Indy on a bridge as he deals with his daddy issues) then I think there is a chance this thing can be decent. They have to get back to the basics of story telling, like in the picture above where Han, I mean, Indy smuggles the golden idol. He uses his instincts and intuition and weight a bag of dirt and takes some of it out to replace the idol. Others reminisce about Han, I mean, Indy shooting the his way out of a fight instead of engaging in hand-to-hand combat.

Here is my 5 step plan to make the film decent.

1)Use practical effects

2)No Mutt swinging on vines (or no Mutt at all)

3)No nuclear blasts

4)No places in between spaces

5)No “Anything Goes”

Follow these steps and there is a chance movie redemption can be made.