Foodie Reviews (Kentucky Fried Chicken, San Antonio, TX)

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You all are weird as hell. You really loved the Chuck E Cheese post? Well here you go, share this with your friends. I’m all about keeping things honest and real just like my movie reviews.

Why review a fine dining experience at a 5 star restaurant when you can eat an American classic. Colonel Sanders would buy a new white suit if he could see how far and vast his little chicken empire has expanded. I mean, there are over 19 thousand KFC’s keeping that top secret recipe under close guard every day.

I don’t know what this means. I noticed some people in Lithuania are loving the Chuck E Cheese experience, so maybe there is some new fad where people in other countries enjoy reading about our dining establishments the way our travel bloggers go to food markets and take a shit load of pictures and video footage of street vendors. Next time you watch the travel channel, notice the looks the locals give. They are wondering why the hell we even care about their food.

Think about it. This blog is less weird than stuff on the travel channel (disclaimer: My blog only recently began, there is no telling what the future might bring)

In any case, I picked up the “Big Box” meal (#10 for you fast food junkies out there). I didn’t just go to just any KFC, but visited one that doubled as a Taco Bell too. It doesn’t get more American than that if you ask me. Plus the synergy  of combining a bonafide taco factory with a fried chicken emporium would’ve made Oppenheimer proud.

For $7.99 plus tax, I was able to pick up a box full of 3 pieces of fried chicken, cole slaw, mashed potatoes w/gravy and a drink. I picked up two of them, because I eat like Jabba (or I got one for the woman I was with, you decide the truth).

So what is in the box?

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It was a “heart attack in a box” but tasty as hell, especially after a long day outside. We watched Game of Thrones and pigged out and I ate every damn thing inside.

The Colonel would be proud.

Foodie Rating: ?? (It doesn’t matter after a long day at the waterpark)

Foodie Review: Chuck E Cheese’s (San Antonio, TX)

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Why the hell am I doing a foodie review for Chuck-E-Cheese?

To tell you the truth, I don’t know. Is this where writer dreams go to die?

We’ll see.

The truth is, I randomly posted a few foodie reviews this past week on a whim, because I visited a few cool places recently, and did get some gift cards to Pei Wei, but my daily views on those were actually double of my new movie reviews. With little promotion on Twitter, they are still my most viewed blogposts a few days later, so I am testing to see if people just like reading whatever comes to mind.

So what is this bizarre place?

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This is a place I wanted to go for my 8th birthday. I still remember the story. My parents called to book the place, and it was all booked. Chuck E Cheese himself would not visit my table. We pressed on bravely, and my mother baked a fucking chocolate cake and we invited my friends and we all went there anyways.

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Things have changed since then. You buy pizza and tokens in packages (the discount is given with 80 tokens) with the mirage that this is a good deal. Most of the games in the arcade are essentially gambling games where you do various things for tickets. The biggest scores you can get is 250 tickets, if you hit 1/200 odds. If you have an extremely lucky day and somehow accumulate 7500 tickets in one magical session, beating the average of 4-10 tickets per game, what can you get? One frozen action figure that costs around $15 at Walmart.

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Anyways, back to the foodie review. We ordered a couple pizzas. This was the pepperoni pizza. Behold the weird pizza slice cuts. You can always recognized a Chuck E Cheeze pizza by the unorthodox pizza slicing; it’s almost as if the pizza cutter closes their eyes and cuts. Eating the pizza and rating it is more of an exercise of not saying if it is good or bad, but ranking it. To me, the pizza is maybe a slot higher than Cici’s pizza and frozen grocery store pizza, but a step lower than Little Caesers pizza, which I consider below the big 3 (Papa Johns, Pizza Hut, Dominos).

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Watching your weight? Chuck E Cheese also sports a pretty good looking salad bar. It was constantly getting refilled from tubs that I assume come from some food distributor. I thought the presentation was actually surprisingly clean for what I expected. Taking a quick glance around, I discovered why: The salad bar was the furthest distance from the arcade and there wasn’t a kid within 40 feet, so this was likely the cleanest area in the entire place.

So how was the food? Eh, the pizza might be a 4/10. But how was it while watching the kid running around like a maniac trying to win tickets? Eh, the quality of the pizza didn’t really matter, now did it?

If you enjoy me just blogging on anything instead of focusing on movies, like and share and leave a comment below. I have some big trips coming up and can keep sharing whatever happens.