Foodie Review: Chuck E Cheese’s (San Antonio, TX)

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Why the hell am I doing a foodie review for Chuck-E-Cheese?

To tell you the truth, I don’t know. Is this where writer dreams go to die?

We’ll see.

The truth is, I randomly posted a few foodie reviews this past week on a whim, because I visited a few cool places recently, and did get some gift cards to Pei Wei, but my daily views on those were actually double of my new movie reviews. With little promotion on Twitter, they are still my most viewed blogposts a few days later, so I am testing to see if people just like reading whatever comes to mind.

So what is this bizarre place?

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This is a place I wanted to go for my 8th birthday. I still remember the story. My parents called to book the place, and it was all booked. Chuck E Cheese himself would not visit my table. We pressed on bravely, and my mother baked a fucking chocolate cake and we invited my friends and we all went there anyways.

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Things have changed since then. You buy pizza and tokens in packages (the discount is given with 80 tokens) with the mirage that this is a good deal. Most of the games in the arcade are essentially gambling games where you do various things for tickets. The biggest scores you can get is 250 tickets, if you hit 1/200 odds. If you have an extremely lucky day and somehow accumulate 7500 tickets in one magical session, beating the average of 4-10 tickets per game, what can you get? One frozen action figure that costs around $15 at Walmart.

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Anyways, back to the foodie review. We ordered a couple pizzas. This was the pepperoni pizza. Behold the weird pizza slice cuts. You can always recognized a Chuck E Cheeze pizza by the unorthodox pizza slicing; it’s almost as if the pizza cutter closes their eyes and cuts. Eating the pizza and rating it is more of an exercise of not saying if it is good or bad, but ranking it. To me, the pizza is maybe a slot higher than Cici’s pizza and frozen grocery store pizza, but a step lower than Little Caesers pizza, which I consider below the big 3 (Papa Johns, Pizza Hut, Dominos).

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Watching your weight? Chuck E Cheese also sports a pretty good looking salad bar. It was constantly getting refilled from tubs that I assume come from some food distributor. I thought the presentation was actually surprisingly clean for what I expected. Taking a quick glance around, I discovered why: The salad bar was the furthest distance from the arcade and there wasn’t a kid within 40 feet, so this was likely the cleanest area in the entire place.

So how was the food? Eh, the pizza might be a 4/10. But how was it while watching the kid running around like a maniac trying to win tickets? Eh, the quality of the pizza didn’t really matter, now did it?

If you enjoy me just blogging on anything instead of focusing on movies, like and share and leave a comment below. I have some big trips coming up and can keep sharing whatever happens.

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