Fan Theories: Star Wars Episode VIII

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Will the force be strong with him still? Will he say something in the sequel? Is Luke still a little traumatized by his kiss with his sister? (If you don’t know, it doesn’t count, now does it?)

After watching Star Wars Episode 7, my mind wandered to where the story would go. This is something that never happened to me after watching the prequels where I couldn’t wait to walk to the exits. As someone who used to read TheForce.net during the peak of its popularity, I know a fan theory or two that blew up after watching Episode 7.

For the seven of you who boycotted the movie because Jar Jar wasn’t in it, I’ll fill you in and ruin it for you. They blew up the Death Star, again. Yes. Instead it wasn’t a Death Star, it was a Death Planet. It was batshit stupid of the highest level, and outside of a new character Finn being the stupidest and most naive ex-stormtrooper this side of the Alderaan system, the movie holds it own as being the best since the original trilogy. If I was to rank it, it would be 4th, only because the beginning on Jakku and end fight between Kylo/Rey was so compelling. I mean, when the music cues up and Rey pulls that lightsaber out of the snow like Luke on Hoth, you can’t but feel the emotional resonance. The only high point to match it was when the screen panned to the left to show the biggest hunk of junk in the galaxy on Jakku. The movie ends with Rey piloting the Falcon with Chewbacca after Han bites the dust, and meets the Macguffin of the film, Luke Skywalker, on some island and hands him his old lightsaber.

What will happen next?

Here are 3 theories:

1)The original script before JJ and Kasdan took the bull by its horns and made a reboot of A New Hope called out for Luke to find Rey on Jakku and heading out on a quest of some sort to Endor. By all that I read, Luke was essentially Obi-Wan guiding Rey to her destiny. Episode 8 could pick up where Episode 7 left off and show them still on the island, but with Rey more powerful than we could have ever imagined. She is obviously a very very very very fast learner. With her new powers, she flies off on the Falcon when she learns her old pal Finn is in trouble and goes to rescue him while Luke pulls a Yoda and fades into midi-chlorian oblivion. Rey then learns it’s all a trap by Snoke, after telling her that she is a clone of Anakin Skywalker, and pits her against Kylo who she easily defeats and he falls off some crazy high place, and she is converted to the Dark Side. Kylo is then rescued by who else, Leia, who feels his pain. Plus, she has a special force power for sensing when someone fell from a high place. This is where Luke’s ghost shows up and the cliffhanger ending leaves us wanting more again. Luke can even give the same mysterious brooding look to Kylo. Is he still pissed about the Knights of Ren thing? Or is he happy he finally turned back? Talk about an awkward intergalactic thanksgiving.

2)While finishing her training, they are hunted down by Captain Phasma, who is all torn up and outcast from the First Order. She is like a crusty and jaded bounty hunter who wants redemption. She lands on the island and a fight ensues. Luke sacrifices himself so that Rey can vanquish Phasma. With Luke now a force ghost, Rey has no choice but to go out and rejoin the resistance. She tells Leia what happened to Luke, and Leia gives her another random hug and tells her that she is her daughter. She gives another friend-zone hug to Finn, who is paralyzed but now is General Finn (because they promote fast-as-hell in the resistance … e.g. General Solo and General Calrissian) The resistance is then tracked down and a giant space battle ensues. Rey’s ship is captured and is defeated in a battle with Kylo. Snoke, on the New Super-Deluxe-with-extra-Cheese Super Star Destroyer gives her a choice. Join him and he will show her where she comes from and tell her where her parents are and they will end the battle, or resist and the resistance will be destroyed, including the crippled cruiser Finn is commanding. She chooses to join him and save her friends.

3)The First Order fleet tracks down the Falcon to the island, and launches an ocean assault on the island. Luke, using his Lucas-crazy powers in some script from a long time ago in a galaxy far far away, destroys an entire assault with the force and the audience is like “holy shit, did Luke just do that?” Then Luke and Rey get off the planet and meet with Leia, who he asks again how she remembers her mom being sad, and she says “okay, I lied Luke. You were about to face your crazy ass father on his home turf.” The fanboys nod in approval. Rey asks where Finn is, and is told Finn and Poe went off on a secret mission to find their hidden headquarters but went dark. Luke and Leia and Rey and Chewie go to track them down and find out Poe isn’t randomly the greatest pilot in the galaxy … he is Snoke. What? Did your mind just melt? Who has the power to cheat death? (Poe cheated a Tie Fighter crash death). Who is strong with the force? (Did you see the assault on Starkiller base?) It all comes full circle on why Poe is the man with the plan to find Skywalker. The movie ends with Poe sticking his red lightsaber though Leia while Luke and Rey are off fighting Kylo, who somehow gets turned back to the light side. The movie ends with Poe taking Finn as prisoner by freezing him in carbonite.

Conclusion (And discarded Porkins Theory)

Whichever direction they go, hopefully they will cut one of the senseless parts of Episode 7, Greg Grunberg playing himself. It was clearly one the more stupid parts of the film and a waste of screen time. When I initially heard he was cast, I thought it was going to be throw back to Porkins from the original Star Wars, who blew up, no pun intended. Most of the fanboy sites agreed and accepted the Porkins theory as almost fact, but we got tricked. It was zero nostalgia, and too many scenes of Grunberg, now one of the worst characters since Jar Jar Binks.

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Grunberg playing Grunberg

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Instead of playing Porkins Jr.

57 Inconceivable things in Star Wars: The Force Awakens

 

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