Movie Review: Big Trouble in Little China

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I recently watched a bonafide classic, Big Trouble in Little China, and to me, John Carpenter’s tale still holds up to this day. The story itself is not special; it’s a basic fish out of water tale with the hero, Jack Burton, acting as a sidekick of sorts. The story is filled with brothels, mysticism, a lightning God, girls with green eyes, sorcery, and kung fu. What else could you ask for? It also has a villain that gets so angry and depressed at his master’s demise, he throws the biggest fit this side of China Town. Jack Burton proves how manly of a man he is by leaving Gracie at the end to move on to his next adventure.

To me, there is only one Jack Burton. I refuse to watch any remake of this cinematic classic. The Rock might get a payday and flex his muscles and wink his eyebrow to the audience but they won’t accept it.  This will become Eddie Murphy and Owen Wilson doing I Spy or Steve Carrell doing Get Smart or Jackie Chan in the Karate kid or Russell Brand in Arthur or all of the other piles of garbage. The people will forget and dismiss it as a joke and go back to watching the original Jack Burton. They remade Conan without Arnold and what happened? It flopped.

Here is a secret. They call it a cult classic because the movie wasn’t commercial to begin with. The quality grew the audience over time through word of mouth and repeat viewings on TV. Remaking cult classics is not a formula for success.

Please, for crying out loud, come up with something original.

GUEST INTERVIEW: A LIST ACTOR WITH D MINUS TALENT

I don’t know what kind of amateurish bull crap this post is, but he has it all wrong. The Rock would be excellent-0 like yellow jello if they remake this film. Do you know how much chicken The Rock has to eat to look that lean? Those muscles don’t come from custard pies. By saying The Rock can’t be Jack Burton is completely typecasting him. He can totally be a sidekick and goof up the entire film and get his but whipped. Of course he will let people punch him and let someone else take all the victories in the movie. Did you see him in Be Cool? He has natural comic given talent. Just look at that shirt. You can’t honestly say the biceps of The Rock wouldn’t just rock out that shirt. He was born to hunt down Lo Pan and rescue the girl with green eyes. If this is your first blog post, you really have a rude awakening if you want to bash Gods-gift-to-eyebrow-lifting.

Movie Rating (Classic Review): 9.5/10 Green Eyes

 

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